For Females Only:
Kits to Protect Females from Clinton ™© 1999-2001 (in the Book)
Better to be safe 'cause he won't be sorry
--But, of course, he'll say that he said he's sorry 

For Traditional Women:.

Face-Guard  © 1999
Just like the ones hockey-goalies wear-- Ideal for attending White House coffees because you can never be sure you won't end up being the last guest to leave.
Lip-Guard © 1999 (recommended by 4 out of 5 Jane Doe's)
Just like the ones pro football players wear-- Ideal for standing in rope-lines on the White House Lawn because you can never be sure you'll only get a handshake instead of a kiss.
Panty-Guard © 1999
Just like those hard "cups" worn by baseball catchers  If it can stop  90-mph fastballs, you know it can stop much slower balls.
Breasts-Guard © 1999 (recommended by 4 out of 5 Oval-Office Gropees)
Similar to the "warrior-princess" bras you've seen on T.V.  Small, but powerful, springs deploy razor-sharp spikes when miniature "aroma-sniffer" detects aroma of Presidential aftershave within 50 feet.  (Deluxe, European "metric-system" model has 50-meter operating range.)   (Not available yet-- but our best engineers are still working on it)
Grope-Alarm Blouse & Necklace © 1999
Designed for females required to work in close proximity to Clinton.   When miniature motion-detectors disguised as buttons on the blouse sense hand movement by Clinton in close proximity to wearer's breasts, they trigger an ear-piercing sound from a miniature alarm inside necklace while a miniature but powerful speaker also built into the necklace broadcasts the simulated voice of Hillary Clinton saying, "Stop trying to minister to this woman." (Not available yet-- but our best engineers are still working on it)
Arousal-Negator Skirt & Belt © 1999
Designed for females required to work in close proximity to Clinton.  Within a nano-second after a miniature motion-detector disguised as a belt-buckle senses any sudden swelling of any Presidential appendage, it triggers a miniature, but powerful, laser in the belt-buckle, which "focuses like a laser beam" directly on the swollen area.  Vocal sounds likely to result from this action make an alarm unnecessary. (Not available yet-- but our best engineers are still working on it)
Identity-Guard © 1999 (the most for the money and the most-effective as well)
This is an incredibly life-like mask of Hillary Clinton featuring the authentic-looking, disingenuous, frozen smile bearing an uncanny resemblance to the frozen smile used by makeup-artists for the Joker in the first Batman movie.  The proven effectiveness of this image in keeping Clinton at a safe distance for nearly 20 years speaks for itself.  Although this product is cost-effective, it can only be used when the real Hillary is nowhere near-- It's so life-like that wearing it in the President's presence when the First Lady is also present might trigger a psychotic reaction by the President by making him think there's more than one Hillary. (Not available yet--but our best engineers are still working on it) (Warning:  Too frightening to be worn by children at Halloweeen.)
Maxi-Guard © 1999
Maxi-Guard includes Face-Guard, Lip-Guard, Panty-Guard, Breast-Guard, Grope-Alarm Blouse & Necklace, Arousal-Negator Skirt & Belt,  and Identity-Guard.  This is a must-have kit for Beltway Socialites-- When you're dealing with world's most powerful man, you just can't have too much protection

For Non-Traditional Women:  Dress-For-Success Attire.

Designed for the aggressive, career-minded woman who knows that a good offense is the best defense, this line of Workplace Attire comports with the Workplace Rules reformulated by Feminists to conform to the realities of the Clinton era: [click here]